Zombie Nation OMG WTF! I just watched
the most gawdawful zombie movie I have ever had the misfortune to stumble across
- the aforementioned "Zombie Nation." This little travesty stars
no one in particular and the director should be shot. So should whomever cast
this film. A police office, a war veteran, has issues. His mother was once
the head of a psychiatric unit and abused the patients. And our "hero." As
an adult, the cop arrests women for minor offenses, takes them to a warehouse,
and kills them with a drug overdose. He takes them out of the warehouse in large
duffel bags and disposes of them quietly. His partner, when attempting to have
this investigated, is transferred to a crappy shift, and he and his girlfriend
are beaten up one night by fellow police officers wearing ski masks. And yet have
no bruising the next day. The police headquarters is obviously a warehouse,
with furniture situated to resemble a police station, but with no inner walls.
And the bad guy drives around on shift in uniform in a red Mercury. A Romanian
immigrant, hearing about the disappearance of so many women, consults a voodoo
priestess for a protection spell. The spell involves pig blood, a live spider,
and lots of writhing on the part of our "heroine." However, this
protection spell does little good as she is arrested by our lovely psychotic man
in blue mere moments after emerging from the priestess's abode. He kills her,
and he buries her. And here is where we get the zombies. The girls all return
from the dead to hunt down their killer. But first, two girls remove a man's tongue,
and two more remove a man's willie. Between this and the final battle is a lot
of nothing much. Killer attracts the attention of internal affairs, one zombie
girl tries to reunite with her boyfriend, and the priestess tells the zombie chicks
that they must avenge their murders. They do so in spectacular zombie fashion
by tracking him down and eating him, after which they dump in the ocean. Deed
done, they return to the priestess to report. However, the priestess informs
them that they should not have eaten him. She forgot to mention that anyone they
kill by eating will return like them. "So what are we supposed to eat
when we get hungry?" "Same thing as everyone else…cheeseburgers." The
last two scenes are the girls working for the police force in stripper quality
uniforms, and the dead bad guy crawling from the ocean. The End. Yeah,
ok, the review is abbreviated and probably as bad as the movie. Deal with it.
I am SO not a professional.
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